Lying There
by Chibi-ChanxXxthe real one
Summary: Haruhi can't sleep.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran or the song **_**Lying There.**_

_I look at you lying there  
sleeping so soundly  
sometimes I wish  
I could sleep as calm as you  
and I bet in your dreaming I'm there  
I look peaceful  
and maybe you'd assume  
I'm lost in dreaming too  
but despite how I try  
to close my eyes and join you  
despite how I try  
to hold my breath and body still  
despite how I try  
not to jolt you or wake you  
I can't sleep  
I don't breath  
I won't move  
Am I fulfilled?_

I turn towards you. You look like an angel when you sleep. I wonder what you're dreaming about. Me? I don't know. Because I don't know what you're thinking. And as for me, and my dreams? Well I don't know about them either. Because I can't sleep. At least… not next to you.

I close my eyes. I hold my breath, count to ten, then repeat. I count sheep. I slowly open my eyes and look back over at you. Your chest moves up and down, rhythmically. I slow down my breathing to match yours. You turn over. Your eye twitches. Maybe you'll wake up. If you do, I can tell you. Tell you I can't sleep. Then, we can go sit in the kitchen and drink coffee and talk about it.

But you don't wake up. You pull the covers closer to you and give a sigh of satisfaction. I close my eyes again. And I start counting.

_I look at you lying there  
and I love you  
I want to sleep for decades by side  
but with you I'm restless  
I'm running on empty  
I'm living a life  
where I have compromised  
You'd think in my sleep  
I'd see you in my future  
You'd think in my dreams  
I'd see our kids play on the lawn  
you'd think in my nightmares  
I'm living life without you  
You would think  
you would guess  
but I can't sleep  
So you'd be wrong_

I want to be with you. I love you. You're my best friend. But for some reason, my stomach won't settle, and my eyes won't stay shut.

You're ready for kids and a family. I'll have to put my dreams of being a lawyer on the backburner. Just like I had to put my college career on hold. But I don't understand, why I have to wait, and you get to keep moving. When the kids start school, then I can go to college and become a lawyer. But who knows how old I'll be by then. And whether I'll be able to get a job. Right now, I have the assurance that I'll be able to work for the Ootori's after college. But I know that opportunity won't be there forever. So let me do what I want to do now. I'm tired of compromising.

And you asked me to marry you. I said yes, because if I had said no, where would our relationship have gone. I'm not ready wouldn't have been good enough for you. We would have fallen apart as a couple. And I love you too much for that to happen. But now, I'm not so sure.

_I look at you lying sleeping without me  
I bet you'd never guess  
my restlessness just grows  
and while I want to shut my eyes  
and know the things you know  
I can't sleep  
I can't breathe  
I can't move_

And this isn't the first night, and it won't be the last where I can't sleep, with you lying there. And it's all just building up. And it's making me wonder if this was the right choice. I love you, but you expect me to put my life on hold for you and for a family. I don't want to have to do that. I've wanted to be a lawyer for longer than I can remember. For longer than I've loved you. So why are you more important than my dream?

_How I wish I could wake you  
I wish I could jolt you  
I wish I could love you  
but wishing that I'd loved you  
isn't really loving  
I suppose_

I want to wake you. But I slowly lift the sheets and slip out of bed as soundlessly as I can. We should talk about this, I know we should. But I ignore it, because I know talking won't change anything. I take off my engagement ring and drop it on the bedside table on your side of the bed. You still don't wake up.

I gather some things of mine to take with me. I'll come get the rest some other time. I turn back towards you when I reach the door. You still look so peaceful. You're completely oblivious to everything that just happened. I wish you could stay that way and that you wouldn't have to feel the pain. But I also wish I loved you more. And that isn't going to happen, now is it?

I hail a cab. On the drive to the hotel is silent. Everything in my head is all jumbled together and I can't think properly. So I don't think. I just watch. I watch the world keep moving outside the window. We pull up to the hotel.

After paying I make my way up to my room. I lay down on the bed. And I sleep.

**I know, it was kinda a Debby Downer but it came to me so it was written. Trying to write an April Fool's story right now. And I don't have any inspiration. I hope you enjoyed. Review. **

**PS-Haruhi is the person talking and she was engaged to Hikaru. **


End file.
